A Review of Freezing My Ass Off with Cryotherapy
As I slowly graduate from the "Is anyone reading this?" blogging stage to having a somewhat modest following, I've found myself in a comfortable place where I can sometimes get a free product (see phone purse) or service if I agree to blog about it.
How I Got to Try Cryotherapy for Free
Lux Tan & Cryotherapy in Portland / Lake Oswego was kind enough to let me try out a cryo session in exchange for a blog post.
But don't worry, guys. I'm not gonna sell out and start creating content about free shit that I don't even like. I only agree to trade for things that I either believe in already or am super interested in trying.
I was also recently offered a blogging trade to try out cupping which is oh-so hot right now among celebrities and health bloggers. I had an appointment set last week and was gonna get after it, but then I Googled a little more about the process and realized that although it's an ancient practice, there is really no scientific evidence that it does anything at all. Per my research, they take a glass or silicon cup, put it on your back (or wherever) and heat it until the skin lifts up and gets all red, and then they use a scalpel to make little incisions in your skin. No thanks! People sometimes do it in attempt to correct certain skin problems, but I don't currently have a major problem with that, so I decided to forgo the 10+ day deep bruises and popped blood vessels in perfect circles on my back (which I realize would have made a great Instagram post).
Celebrities Who Do Cryotherapy
Anyway, lots of celebs and other healthy weirdos are also getting into cryotherapy. Some say it helps to ease muscle tension, boosts energy, and assists with weight loss. Apparently Jennifer Anniston, Lebron James, Daniel Craig, and other hot shots like to do it on a regular basis, and I'll pretty much do anything Jen is doing, so here we are.
What is Cryotherapy?
K, so cryotherapy is where you go in this suuuuuuuuuper fucking cold chamber, kinda like a spray tan booth, that's set to -140 degrees or below. Yes, that's negative 140. But your head is out of the cold and it's a "dry cold", so it's not as bad as if you were, say, naked on top of Mount Everest. (I mean, I don't know. Maybe it is like that). Cryotherapy beginners stay in the chamber for 2 minutes and pros can stay in for 3 or 4 at even lower temps.
With any of these alternative healing practices, there is, of course, always the risk of a placebo, but since cryotherapy doesn't come with the big red bruises that cupping does, I decided to give it a whirl. Plus, placebos do work as long as people believe they do.
I tried Cryotherapy a week or so ago at Lux Tan and you know what? It's cold as shit, but I actually really liked it!
Here's What Happens During a Cryotherapy Session:
Before you go in the cryotherapy chamber, you take all your clothes off—I left a sports bra on because I was afraid of what the cold might do to my nipples—then you put on gloves, socks, slippers, and a robe. After that, you press a button on the wall and the cryo attendant comes back into the room. They get you situated in the booth, close the chamber door, and then you hand them your robe.
Cryotherapy did not feel quite as uncomfortable as I'd expected, and the 2 minutes went by pretty fast. By the last 30 seconds or so, my thighs started clenching up, and by the end, I was happy to step out into the climate-controlled room.
The gal who led me through it said that some people come in for cryotherapy sessions a few mornings a week on their way to work and consider it to be kind of like a cup of coffee. This would obviously be a very luxurious and expensive "cup of coffee", but if I were a rich person, I could totally see getting into it in the morning on a regular basis.
I could also see how people who live in California like cryotherapy because I imagine it would feel really good to head out into the sun right after freezing your ass off. Plus, people in California who do cryotherapy are probably richer than me.
Is Cryotherapy Worth It?
So all in all, I would definitely recommend trying cryotherapy. Does it freeze off your fat? Who's to say. Does it make you feel like Elsa? A little bit. Does it give your energy a little boosty-boost and make you feel like a fancy person who lives in Bel Air? Yes. Yes, it does.
In semi-related news, I read the entire Wikipedia page about Antarctica over the weekend. (That's literally what I did on Saturday night—how cool am I?!) Did you know that Antarctica is actually a desert? I mean, it's basically a bunch of ice (there's almost 2 miles of ice between the surface and the land below), but there is almost no precipitation or humidity there. The temps are wayyyy below zero, but the air is dry. What I'm trying to say is that Antarctica is basically cryotherapy.
Speaking of dry ice....has anyone else gotten a million Facebook ads for that smoothie company, Daily Harvest? Well, I ignored them for a while because I was making my own bomb smoothies, but they have savory stuff now, like soups and "harvest bowls," so I decided to try it out. Ever since I started working from home full-time, I've been pretty weak on my lunch choices. A few days a week, I would find myself walking down to Little Big Burger near my apartment to get an order of fries midday—not a good look. I've received one week of Daily Harvest so far and am very pleased. Everything is frozen, so nothing goes bad and you can hang on to the meals until you're ready to use them. They ship everything in a dry ice box, which is pretty dope. Anyway, if you want to check them out, you can get $30 off your first week through this link. Oh, and they also have some healthy-ass ice creams that you blend from stuff like cauliflower and coconut meat and they are actually pretty effing good, believe it or not.
Well kids, I gotta get back to work so I can enjoy Ladies' Night tonight with a DVR'd The Bachelor.